Rejection hurts. Which is probably part of the reason you visit Datepad and other free internet dating sites. Because online, the pain just isn't the same. Whether you stick to internet dating or take your search into the real world, it's important to learn to deal with rejection at some point. Especially if you're a man. Because while it's unfair, men are generally the ones who risk rejection the most often... particularly when it comes to chatting a girl up or asking her out on a first date.
There are plenty of places online to find information about dealing with rejection (in fact, we have a great article about it right here at Datepad). But today I'm going to be dealing with something much more productive; and that is how to lower your chances of being rejected in the first place!
Sound good? Read on for 5 tips for lowering your overall rejection rate.
1. Don't get romantic. Considering your goal is to find a romantic relationship (or, hey, just an encounter), this advice may seem a little silly. But it's not. If you never bring a conversation into romantic territory with a woman, then you don't risk romantic rejection. It's that simple. Start off by simply making small talk. Ask her about something unrelated to your interest in her, just as if she were another man. A simple "Wow, it's been a crazy second half, hasn't it?" in your local sports bar might be enough to catch her notice. And all without you risking a darned thing.
2. Practice with ones you don't want. You're going to be rejected, it's as simple as that. But like with anything, the more practice you get approaching women, the better you'll get at it. So instead of approaching a woman you'd like to date, practice on a few that you'd prefer not to. That way if you're rejected, it doesn't feel like rejection-- because you weren't interested in the first place. Then, as you get better (and are rejected less often), you can more on to the women that interest you more.
This works with internet dating as well as in the real world. If you're just getting started, send out a couple of test emails to women who don't really pique your interest to see how they respond. Then use what you learn when you contact the ones that do interest you.
3. Avoid high-risk women. Sometimes (and with some women) the answer is always going to be "no," even if you were the perfect man. These are "high risk" women, and are sitting in a bar or a club practically begging for the chance to reject you. High risk women are any women who: look to be in a hurry; appear stressed, anxious, or upset; who are far too young for you; who carry themselves in a distant, guarded posture; and who are obviously already romantically attached.
4. Look for interested women. While you can't always tell if a woman is going to be interested in you, you can generally tell if she's out at night looking to make a match. Watch for women who are dressed up, and who look up periodically to scan the room. If she's focused on her drink or her friends and doesn't look around often, chances are she'd prefer to be left alone.
5. Practice just... talking. For some people, talking to somebody new is easy. For others, it's hard. If you not comfortable chatting up anybody in a bar (much less a woman that's caught your eye), then the only way to get good at meeting women is to practice talking with people in general. Strike up conversations with old ladies, other men, and employees in the bank or at the grocery store, and study how people react to what you say. The more comfortable you become with talking to strangers, the easier it will be to say the right thing at the right time to the right girl.
Like anything you do in your life, reducing the number of times you're rejected in an evening is just about learning how to do things right. The more you talk to women and to strangers in general, the better you'll get at striking up conversation and reading reactions. And the more confident you are, the less you'll be rejected... and the less that rejection will hurt when it happens.